Sometimes you ask for something and you get more than you asked for. Dave Van de Walle is a marketing extraordinaire who invited me to give my input on Personal Branding. He and I have hit it off quite well, like all crazy marketing people do. Mostly because we see the world sooo differently than much of the world. But hey that’s why you like us right? Take a listen….
When we started chatting about a guest blog post several weeks ago, I was suffering from a Blackberry addiction, looking into working as a carnie and contemplating the formation of a Grand Funk cover ban that performed only in Spanish and wore sombreros. (“Nosotros Mexicano Band” would be our hit.)
However, all of those ideas failed and it was time to pull out the trusty slide rule and fix this brokened economy. Here are the ideas that I, as guest blogger, will share with you, Creative Genius.
Creative Ideas to Fix the Economy:
The $7 Bill.
I propose the creation of a new denomination of the US Dollar: the $7 Bill. Sure, it’s an odd number, but it’s a prime number. And no odd prime number after 5 is featured on US currency, to my knowledge.
The great thing about the $7 Bill would be the contest that the US Government would conduct — get your face on the $7 Bill. For the low, low price of, you guessed it, $7 (plus tax), you can enter the contest to have your picture featured on the $7 Bill.
What law-abiding, God-loving, gun-toting US Citizen — whether or not they support Ron Paul, Ralph Nader, or that guy who used to be Uncle Fester — I mean really, what law-abiding US Citizen would not spend $7 on this contest? Even in this economy? THEN, when cute little Amber Lou of Lawton, Oklahoma — AGE 7, of course — is “randomly” selected to be on the $7 Bill…well, what blue-blooded, card-carrying, born in the USA, Bruce Springsteen-worshipping American wouldn’t buy one and keep it as a collector’s item?
Resurrect the Yugo.
Why are we saving GM or Chrysler when the real lessons are to be learned from Yugo?
Now, if you’re under the age of 30, Yugo sounds rather odd, because Yugoslavia doesn’t exist anymore, at least I don’t think so. Wait, let me check the map. Anyway, the Yugo was quite the car — it was $3990 and it was small and it got 3500 miles to the gallon* (*highway, margin of error of 3490 mpg, your experience may vary).
The Yugo wasn’t just a car — it was a lifestyle. A lifestyle that said “why buy all the syllables from some exotic country when what you really need are the first two?” AND when the first two serve as a play on words — “You. Go!” I can see the ad agencies drool over the possibilities.
All of Michigan can get to work right now on the New Yugo — and, at $3990, it can be quite a deal!
Reality Show Tax.
Henceforth and forever more, under my new America, the following will be taxed. Reality Shows: 28% Flat Rate on Top of All Production Costs. Reality Show Advertisers: 31% in addition to the ad rates. Reality Show Hosts: 50% of all wages from hosting, plus banishment to France.
“Infomercial Tonight” Show
While I despise the reality TV format, the creation of a new genre called the Nightly Infomercial (or, on NBC, “Infomercial Tonight”) carries with it tremendous potential for saving the economy. Similar to the Jerry Lewis Telethon or “Life is Worth Living” with the Bishop Fulton J. Sheen; or anything on The Disney Channel. With a product available for purchase at a value price.
My final idea is a pretty radical one. The EPA tells us that it costs $2 for 1000 gallons of tap water. At $6.49 for a 6 pack of one of them there high-end waters, my math tells me it is $8000 for 1000 gallons of the expensive stuff. Drink the tap water, folks.
Unless you’re driving a Yugo.
That’ll be $7.
Davd Van de Walle is the Master of Disaster and Ayatolla of Rock-n-Rolla at Area224 a strategic communications advisors to emerging brands. You can find him at www.area224.com, @Area224 and on LinkedIn